Boundaries

Daddy passed away on May 10, 2017.

When the two-year anniversary of his passing landed and we had not sold his house and executed his "will", I was feeling undone by failure. I had spent the better part of those two years establishing all of the parameters that our parents had defined in their wills and trusts - but I felt that my brothers were preventing the ultimate/necessary conclusions to these tasks.

I made up my mind a week or so ago that it was past time to set boundaries for myself. It feels pretty good, most of the time, that I have defended myself, and dismissed myself from the CRAP that belongs to my brothers. I hate them for the way they have responded to their roles in our lives, and I hate that they don't have "their inheritance" because they have been stupid in their response to selling our parents' house. THEY failed in how we needed to sell this house, and I know it. They know it too, but they will never admit it.

Since then, we've been reminded of the 75th anniversary of D-Day, and what that meant to our world, and knowing that our father (and our mother) experienced the worst possible definition of how life could be - when our father was across the Atlantic defending freedom for others when his new wife (and future family) was in America - mostly alone - how they endured that, I can't even imagine.

So it all brings me back to June, 2019. 75 years since the Fred and Ginny story began, and what their lives entailed, what their expectations were, what they thought their children would do or be, and how their legacies would play out.

I remember the day they came to my Kings Charter house in June 2002. They had set into motion their wills and trusts. They were en route to a stamp show in Washington DC, and they dropped Judy off to spend a few days with me, but they had a greater mission: to explain to me their final wishes.

I begged them NOT to set up their estates that way. I did NOT want to be the one to stand up to my brothers (on our sister's behalf), and I didn't like it one bit.

Here we are. Since then our Mom died - and Dad wanted to buy a house for me and Judy (this was a change from the original plan.) I only agreed once Dad changed his will - to leave our brothers an equal amount (his investment in the house for me and Judy) - and that's where we are today.

It's taken more than two years to sell our father's house for more reasons than they are willing to admit. Freddy - he's a cluster fuck brother who has NO CLUE how the rest of the world thinks. Another blog topic, for sure.

Phil - he tells me "I don't care" in his most recent email. After more than a year of pressing me for his inheritance? Seriously? (You wanted me to find a way to finance your children's business advancement, and I had to say NO.) Come on!

Get real, dude.

I've jumped through hoops to give you your inheritance. I found a way (Dad's Towne Bank Stock - had we sold it in 2017 we'd have had the funds, but we didn't in December 2018 because we have a US President idiot. What was worth $180K in June 2017 is now worth less than $120K.)  I gave you $50K of your inheritance from our father's savings account - NOT according to the terms of the sale of his house, but from his savings account - that our father left in MY NAME - and you have the GAUL to call me shameful.

Boundaries. Phillip. You have NO CLUE what this side of this argument is. YOU are the shameful one, and you are selfish. Freddy is another story. I think he knows his own shame - which is why he hasn't responded to my emails.