February 8, 2019
How does one describe the efforts and effects of literally 1000s of people to make each and every "guest" feel so special, like they are the only "guest of honor" in the room?
That is what they did and how RVA's Night to Shine succeeded beyond measure.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Birthdays, Funerals, and one's Inheritance
I feel a need to rant.
I understand the need to attend a funeral to pay one's respects - both to the deceased and to the living with whom we feel close. Absolutely.
But when one's special needs SISTER is turning 70 (a date you've known ALL of HER life and you've known for two weeks that her birthday party was on 1/18/19), there needs to be some thoughtful decision-making consideration going on in one's BRAIN. aka "Our sister is still alive and her birthday party starts at 6 pm so we need to be there for her because she is expecting us." Makes sense to me. (But since she's retarded, she will never know we are late. Right? No. Not right. This thinking about the sister you clearly do not know very well. Her life evolves around calendars and clocks.)
I get that your friend (or should I say your son's friend's dad) passed away. I do.
But in the big scheme of things - as in LIFE ...
Oh, what the hell. You know what I'm talking about, so I'm not going to pussy-foot around. What the fuck were you thinking? Oh, that's right. You weren't because you never do. If you were, it wasn't about your LIVING special needs sister - whose LIFE is connected to your future inheritance because our parents left everything to her. No, it was the perception of your son's friend's family whose father passed away. Process that for a minute. For a dead man's family you were late and ignored your living sister.
So you know, Judy noticed. Her feelings were hurt because you were late. Once you arrived, you pretty much ignored her, spending most of your time talking to Dr. Dan and Rebecca. She had looked forward to introducing you to her counselor and all of her friends, but you weren't there at 6 pm, or 6:15, or 6:30, and it was time to sit down and order drinks and dinner.
In true Ginny Howland form, Judy thanked you for your gift to her - a beautiful CZ pendant (without a necklace - and of course she started thinking about how she could wear it). So thoughtful of you - to give her a gift that I would be tasked with how she could put it to use. Very thoughtful. Thank you for that.
....
In 2002, our parents made a special trip to my house in Kings Charter to deliver their wills, trusts, and to explain their intentions upon their passing.
"No! Please don't do this!" I begged them not to do what they were doing. THREE trustees. Please DON'T.
But they did.
For Judy's sake, they were wise. Because they knew I would make sure their wishes were fulfilled. I will - and I am.
But you two - and your wives - are out of the loop. You are clueless how hard it is to manage her life and your "votes" as they pertain to our parents' affairs.
So many mistakes, so little time. And when OUR time comes, I hope and pray your children are better at this than we are.
I understand the need to attend a funeral to pay one's respects - both to the deceased and to the living with whom we feel close. Absolutely.
But when one's special needs SISTER is turning 70 (a date you've known ALL of HER life and you've known for two weeks that her birthday party was on 1/18/19), there needs to be some thoughtful decision-making consideration going on in one's BRAIN. aka "Our sister is still alive and her birthday party starts at 6 pm so we need to be there for her because she is expecting us." Makes sense to me. (But since she's retarded, she will never know we are late. Right? No. Not right. This thinking about the sister you clearly do not know very well. Her life evolves around calendars and clocks.)
I get that your friend (or should I say your son's friend's dad) passed away. I do.
But in the big scheme of things - as in LIFE ...
Oh, what the hell. You know what I'm talking about, so I'm not going to pussy-foot around. What the fuck were you thinking? Oh, that's right. You weren't because you never do. If you were, it wasn't about your LIVING special needs sister - whose LIFE is connected to your future inheritance because our parents left everything to her. No, it was the perception of your son's friend's family whose father passed away. Process that for a minute. For a dead man's family you were late and ignored your living sister.
So you know, Judy noticed. Her feelings were hurt because you were late. Once you arrived, you pretty much ignored her, spending most of your time talking to Dr. Dan and Rebecca. She had looked forward to introducing you to her counselor and all of her friends, but you weren't there at 6 pm, or 6:15, or 6:30, and it was time to sit down and order drinks and dinner.
In true Ginny Howland form, Judy thanked you for your gift to her - a beautiful CZ pendant (without a necklace - and of course she started thinking about how she could wear it). So thoughtful of you - to give her a gift that I would be tasked with how she could put it to use. Very thoughtful. Thank you for that.
....
In 2002, our parents made a special trip to my house in Kings Charter to deliver their wills, trusts, and to explain their intentions upon their passing.
"No! Please don't do this!" I begged them not to do what they were doing. THREE trustees. Please DON'T.
But they did.
For Judy's sake, they were wise. Because they knew I would make sure their wishes were fulfilled. I will - and I am.
But you two - and your wives - are out of the loop. You are clueless how hard it is to manage her life and your "votes" as they pertain to our parents' affairs.
So many mistakes, so little time. And when OUR time comes, I hope and pray your children are better at this than we are.
Storage: AKA finding a home for the stuff
It's New Year's Eve 2018, and I've had just about enough of all the clutter in my life.
Made up my mind I have to get a handle on all the stuff, so I did the inventory.
46 boxes of stuff (from my parents' house in the garage).
6 boxes of paper (from my dad's filing cabinets in my office).
5 boxes of pictures (from my KC house that I've never hung).
7 boxes of silver (from my mom's dining room).
4 upstairs closets filled with boxes and fabric, curtains, tablecloths, nicknacks from the KC house.
And the attic. Can't even get in there without banging my head every time I go in there.
And six filing cabinets - 3 in the garage (filled with school treasures; 3 in the office with a business long gone.)
Then there's the furniture - 1/2 of which Diane and John took to stage their "fixer upper" house. That will be returning at some time in the not too distant future.
And that doesn't even count the excessive pieces of clothing in my room, Judy's room, and three coat closets.
Enough is enough.
Time to find a new home for all the stuff. And it doesn't necessarily have to be here. (Donations, yard sales, re-gifting and trashing are all a part of the master plan.)
Truth is, Judy will be 70 in just a few weeks, and I am 63. We won't live forever, and all this stuff is weighing us down.
I know what is here, I just can't put my hands on it when I want it. And I do want to see what we have so I can put it to good use.
Everything needs a home. Where I can find it. When I want it.
So ...
Here's the beginning of the plan:
1. Install shelving in the 4 upstairs closets.
2. Unpack the boxes so I can see the stuff.
3. Make room for the pictures/frames so I know what I have. (Move the pictures from my office so I can get to the filing cabinets and actually use them!)
4. Cull my old stuff and either trash, donate or sell what I will never use again.
Make a home for all of Mom and Dad's stuff:
5. Move the banquet tables from the garage to "bedroom 4."
6. Get all the boxes out of the garage into BR 4.
(Ultimately, I'd like to have a wall of built-in cabinets with doors so I can see the contents of the boxes).
In a perfect world, each season would have a "home." All the Christmas would be in one place, the fall stuff, Easter, Valentine's, 4th of July ... you get the picture.
I used to have my house set up that way, but I never had the time to do that once I retired.
What went wrong? Well ... Long story but here's the short version:
Mom died. Dad started pressing me to find a "better house" for me and Judy. We needed "one level living" because of her bad knees and my hip going out. I found the Springhouse. We amended it so Judy would have the space she needed, and I would have mine. That was the easy part.
Then I had two houses of my own (for a short period of time) and Dad and Judy's lives in Newport News to attend to. Every day was a "mission." I juggled letting go of my organized home of 27 years, planning a home for me and Judy, and taking care of them. And I had Dad to bounce ideas off of while I planned and continued with the mission.
Then Dad got sick. And the ONE person I had to help guide me was no longer guiding me.
I never factored in his absence from my life in the plan.
Yes. I knew the plan all along - but I never thought I would be completely alone managing everything day-to-day.
I never knew caring for my father's affairs (his health, his mental wellness, his daily needs, his finances, his home) would be so hard.
I knew I would have Judy living with me. And I know what she needs to make her life work - but I didn't know that the federal government would make the transition so hard.
And I didn't expect our brothers (and their 7 adult children) to abandon us. Especially Freddy. (To be fair, Phil stepped up to the plate and took care of 23 Douglas, for the most part).
When I think of who our parents were and all they did in their lives - particularly, for our sister and for US - their children, I know how they raised us to "do the right thing" - every time.
I know my WORDS have been hurtful to my brothers and to their children. But I have spoken the truths my parents never did.
In the meantime, I will do what I must to make our lives better. Finding a home for all this stuff. Even the things we have no use for - like abandonment.
Made up my mind I have to get a handle on all the stuff, so I did the inventory.
46 boxes of stuff (from my parents' house in the garage).
6 boxes of paper (from my dad's filing cabinets in my office).
5 boxes of pictures (from my KC house that I've never hung).
7 boxes of silver (from my mom's dining room).
4 upstairs closets filled with boxes and fabric, curtains, tablecloths, nicknacks from the KC house.
And the attic. Can't even get in there without banging my head every time I go in there.
And six filing cabinets - 3 in the garage (filled with school treasures; 3 in the office with a business long gone.)
Then there's the furniture - 1/2 of which Diane and John took to stage their "fixer upper" house. That will be returning at some time in the not too distant future.
And that doesn't even count the excessive pieces of clothing in my room, Judy's room, and three coat closets.
Enough is enough.
Time to find a new home for all the stuff. And it doesn't necessarily have to be here. (Donations, yard sales, re-gifting and trashing are all a part of the master plan.)
Truth is, Judy will be 70 in just a few weeks, and I am 63. We won't live forever, and all this stuff is weighing us down.
I know what is here, I just can't put my hands on it when I want it. And I do want to see what we have so I can put it to good use.
Everything needs a home. Where I can find it. When I want it.
So ...
Here's the beginning of the plan:
1. Install shelving in the 4 upstairs closets.
2. Unpack the boxes so I can see the stuff.
3. Make room for the pictures/frames so I know what I have. (Move the pictures from my office so I can get to the filing cabinets and actually use them!)
4. Cull my old stuff and either trash, donate or sell what I will never use again.
Make a home for all of Mom and Dad's stuff:
5. Move the banquet tables from the garage to "bedroom 4."
6. Get all the boxes out of the garage into BR 4.
(Ultimately, I'd like to have a wall of built-in cabinets with doors so I can see the contents of the boxes).
In a perfect world, each season would have a "home." All the Christmas would be in one place, the fall stuff, Easter, Valentine's, 4th of July ... you get the picture.
I used to have my house set up that way, but I never had the time to do that once I retired.
What went wrong? Well ... Long story but here's the short version:
Mom died. Dad started pressing me to find a "better house" for me and Judy. We needed "one level living" because of her bad knees and my hip going out. I found the Springhouse. We amended it so Judy would have the space she needed, and I would have mine. That was the easy part.
Then I had two houses of my own (for a short period of time) and Dad and Judy's lives in Newport News to attend to. Every day was a "mission." I juggled letting go of my organized home of 27 years, planning a home for me and Judy, and taking care of them. And I had Dad to bounce ideas off of while I planned and continued with the mission.
Then Dad got sick. And the ONE person I had to help guide me was no longer guiding me.
I never factored in his absence from my life in the plan.
Yes. I knew the plan all along - but I never thought I would be completely alone managing everything day-to-day.
I never knew caring for my father's affairs (his health, his mental wellness, his daily needs, his finances, his home) would be so hard.
I knew I would have Judy living with me. And I know what she needs to make her life work - but I didn't know that the federal government would make the transition so hard.
And I didn't expect our brothers (and their 7 adult children) to abandon us. Especially Freddy. (To be fair, Phil stepped up to the plate and took care of 23 Douglas, for the most part).
When I think of who our parents were and all they did in their lives - particularly, for our sister and for US - their children, I know how they raised us to "do the right thing" - every time.
I know my WORDS have been hurtful to my brothers and to their children. But I have spoken the truths my parents never did.
In the meantime, I will do what I must to make our lives better. Finding a home for all this stuff. Even the things we have no use for - like abandonment.
Karma
More of the same.
Tomorrow is the closing on our parents' house at 23 Douglas. Sure enough, my brothers are the final link in the dysfunctional chain of events.
They could have signed and sent back via fax or email the two pages. I did my part. They did not.
Phil drove from Durham today to Freddy's house to pick up Fred's signed settlement papers, but Freddy only signed one of the two papers. And he's now in Blacksburg - still not finished with his part of this transaction.
So ... they still have another hoop to jump through to get their part done before the closing in the morning.
Why am I not surprised?
And today while Phil was en route, he called me to discuss the distribution, how he and Freddy wanted me to do an accounting of the purchase and improvements to the Springhouse - an event that took place FIVE years ago (that was a deal between me and Dad), because they want to know for certain that the "equitable distribution" was what was happening.
Really? "No. That won't be happening, Phil."
The ONLY reason they are getting this $200K distribution is because I insisted on it five years ago.
When Dad told me he wanted to pay for the Springhouse (for me and Judy), I told him I wasn't comfortable with that - unless he changed his will so our brothers would get an equal amount at a time in the future. Daddy didn't want to do that, but I insisted that he at least needed to discuss it with his attorney. The attorney told Dad that I was wise to insist - and that it was the fair and equitable thing to do - so he acquiesced and now the time is almost here.
As in THIS WEEK they will get their money.
And Freddy fucked it up - per usual - by not signing BOTH pages that the closing attorney's person sent to all of us. There were two pages requiring our final signatures, and Freddy only signed one of them (and left it in a baggie on his lawnmower with one key to Dad's house).
I need to interject a laugh track here. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Get out of town!!! hahahahahaha!
HOW STUPID is that? Not at all surprised. Par for the course. Phil knows. Yet he is paying the price tonight. He is undone, but he would never admit it.
hahahhahahhahaha! Karma.
Then ... there's this back story:
When I/we bought this house and planned the improvements, I had already "retired" from teaching, cut my income in half, and pretty much depleted my savings over the next two years. I knew Judy and I needed "one level living" - the only reason I determined we couldn't stay in 23 Douglas or my Kings Charter home. We also needed a fresh start for our "new" lives.
That first summer 2013, Dad and I searched for houses in Williamsburg (while Judy was at camp the week before Mom passed; Freddy and Nancy were on an Alaskan cruise) and in Richmond/Hanover that would meet our future needs. I met with the builder Bill Garrett and tried to find property where he could build us this same house - to no avail. Most of the Hanover properties we found had "well and septic" and my brothers rejected them for that reason.
Finding the Springhouse in June 2014 was a gift from God. No doubt about it.
My friends Debbie and Sid Lassiter had bought this house - this same floor plan - in Cool Spring Forest. At a home party at Deb's house years prior, I had met Gerri Nolan, a realtor, who lived in the neighborhood, so I called her and told her what we were looking for. She found the house and I bought it within days. I even called Freddy and Nancy and invited them to come to the showing with me. They came. It was the week before Dad and Judy were coming to my house en route to the annual stamp show in DC that Dad wanted to attend. Gerri and I arranged for Dad and Judy to view the house while they were en route to the stamp show.
It was meant to be. I bought the house. We would close on August 12. My birthday was August 14, and Dad and Judy came up to Hanover for my birthday, and we met with the original builder - Bill Garrett - and an architect, and we planned the modifications necessary for Judy's needs. It was meant to be. We all knew it.
Together with Dad's input, we planned the expansion of Judy's bedroom, added a powder room and a coat closet, and updated the kitchen (and we bought all new appliances). The cost of all of Judy's "wing" bumped the price up from $369K to over $400K, and the kitchen improvements were for me (lowering the kitchen counter/bar was for Judy, but to be honest, I wanted it lower, too. The marble countertops were all on me.) Dad paid for it all "up front" - but after I closed on the KC house in June 2015, I made sure that Dad only paid $400K. As I recall, Judy's trust may have kicked in a part of the improvement cost of "her" room, Dad would have juggled that, but I made sure that Dad's investment was only $400K, and I repaid him the difference when the KC funds landed in my bank account. I can prove that.
Then, (in August 2015, about the time of my birthday), Dad wanted to have a generator added to the house. "You're mother would have insisted on it." I distinctly remember him telling me "Get it installed, and send me the bill. Consider it a gift from your mother." And he stroked a check from Mom's trust.
My brothers are in cahoots about the tit for tat, dollar for dollar. (Thus Phil's request for an accounting of the Springhouse.) Phil wanted to dispute with me tonight the "distribution" - but I cut him off at the knees when I handed him a copy of our father's trust page that showed the distribution amount that he and Freddy are due upon the sale of the house.
Five years ago our father and I made a deal that I would move into a house to meet OUR sister's needs. I've done my part and then some. I have seen to it that our sister's needs have been met and that both of you would be equally compensated for that commitment.
I feel pretty damn good about it. I just wish you would do YOUR part to meet YOUR SISTERS' needs. There are TWO of us, after all.
Karma. That Phil has another hoop to jump with you, Freddy, is not at all a surprise. Maybe you need to rethink your role in this family dynamic.
Tomorrow is the closing on our parents' house at 23 Douglas. Sure enough, my brothers are the final link in the dysfunctional chain of events.
They could have signed and sent back via fax or email the two pages. I did my part. They did not.
Phil drove from Durham today to Freddy's house to pick up Fred's signed settlement papers, but Freddy only signed one of the two papers. And he's now in Blacksburg - still not finished with his part of this transaction.
So ... they still have another hoop to jump through to get their part done before the closing in the morning.
Why am I not surprised?
And today while Phil was en route, he called me to discuss the distribution, how he and Freddy wanted me to do an accounting of the purchase and improvements to the Springhouse - an event that took place FIVE years ago (that was a deal between me and Dad), because they want to know for certain that the "equitable distribution" was what was happening.
Really? "No. That won't be happening, Phil."
The ONLY reason they are getting this $200K distribution is because I insisted on it five years ago.
When Dad told me he wanted to pay for the Springhouse (for me and Judy), I told him I wasn't comfortable with that - unless he changed his will so our brothers would get an equal amount at a time in the future. Daddy didn't want to do that, but I insisted that he at least needed to discuss it with his attorney. The attorney told Dad that I was wise to insist - and that it was the fair and equitable thing to do - so he acquiesced and now the time is almost here.
As in THIS WEEK they will get their money.
And Freddy fucked it up - per usual - by not signing BOTH pages that the closing attorney's person sent to all of us. There were two pages requiring our final signatures, and Freddy only signed one of them (and left it in a baggie on his lawnmower with one key to Dad's house).
I need to interject a laugh track here. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Get out of town!!! hahahahahaha!
HOW STUPID is that? Not at all surprised. Par for the course. Phil knows. Yet he is paying the price tonight. He is undone, but he would never admit it.
hahahhahahhahaha! Karma.
Then ... there's this back story:
When I/we bought this house and planned the improvements, I had already "retired" from teaching, cut my income in half, and pretty much depleted my savings over the next two years. I knew Judy and I needed "one level living" - the only reason I determined we couldn't stay in 23 Douglas or my Kings Charter home. We also needed a fresh start for our "new" lives.
That first summer 2013, Dad and I searched for houses in Williamsburg (while Judy was at camp the week before Mom passed; Freddy and Nancy were on an Alaskan cruise) and in Richmond/Hanover that would meet our future needs. I met with the builder Bill Garrett and tried to find property where he could build us this same house - to no avail. Most of the Hanover properties we found had "well and septic" and my brothers rejected them for that reason.
Finding the Springhouse in June 2014 was a gift from God. No doubt about it.
My friends Debbie and Sid Lassiter had bought this house - this same floor plan - in Cool Spring Forest. At a home party at Deb's house years prior, I had met Gerri Nolan, a realtor, who lived in the neighborhood, so I called her and told her what we were looking for. She found the house and I bought it within days. I even called Freddy and Nancy and invited them to come to the showing with me. They came. It was the week before Dad and Judy were coming to my house en route to the annual stamp show in DC that Dad wanted to attend. Gerri and I arranged for Dad and Judy to view the house while they were en route to the stamp show.
It was meant to be. I bought the house. We would close on August 12. My birthday was August 14, and Dad and Judy came up to Hanover for my birthday, and we met with the original builder - Bill Garrett - and an architect, and we planned the modifications necessary for Judy's needs. It was meant to be. We all knew it.
Together with Dad's input, we planned the expansion of Judy's bedroom, added a powder room and a coat closet, and updated the kitchen (and we bought all new appliances). The cost of all of Judy's "wing" bumped the price up from $369K to over $400K, and the kitchen improvements were for me (lowering the kitchen counter/bar was for Judy, but to be honest, I wanted it lower, too. The marble countertops were all on me.) Dad paid for it all "up front" - but after I closed on the KC house in June 2015, I made sure that Dad only paid $400K. As I recall, Judy's trust may have kicked in a part of the improvement cost of "her" room, Dad would have juggled that, but I made sure that Dad's investment was only $400K, and I repaid him the difference when the KC funds landed in my bank account. I can prove that.
Then, (in August 2015, about the time of my birthday), Dad wanted to have a generator added to the house. "You're mother would have insisted on it." I distinctly remember him telling me "Get it installed, and send me the bill. Consider it a gift from your mother." And he stroked a check from Mom's trust.
My brothers are in cahoots about the tit for tat, dollar for dollar. (Thus Phil's request for an accounting of the Springhouse.) Phil wanted to dispute with me tonight the "distribution" - but I cut him off at the knees when I handed him a copy of our father's trust page that showed the distribution amount that he and Freddy are due upon the sale of the house.
Five years ago our father and I made a deal that I would move into a house to meet OUR sister's needs. I've done my part and then some. I have seen to it that our sister's needs have been met and that both of you would be equally compensated for that commitment.
I feel pretty damn good about it. I just wish you would do YOUR part to meet YOUR SISTERS' needs. There are TWO of us, after all.
Karma. That Phil has another hoop to jump with you, Freddy, is not at all a surprise. Maybe you need to rethink your role in this family dynamic.
Friday, June 21, 2019
For now ...
it all belongs to Judy.
My brothers are so fucking clueless.
They are looking at their inheritance, but they are completely NOT looking at the big picture. Our parents left EVERYTHING to her, and they are completely ignoring her.
And it pisses me off.
She may likely outlive us all - and wouldn't that be something? (If not, that will be another story, and won't they be pissed when I inherit the greater share of our parents' estates? Lord, I pray for THAT outcome.)
None the less, my brothers are fucking assholes. They pretend to be holy rollers, but they are hypocrites. I think they know they are, and they will have to answer for that - in the meantime, I KNOW, and THEY KNOW I know, and that has to be enough.
Lalalalala ...
My brothers are so fucking clueless.
They are looking at their inheritance, but they are completely NOT looking at the big picture. Our parents left EVERYTHING to her, and they are completely ignoring her.
And it pisses me off.
She may likely outlive us all - and wouldn't that be something? (If not, that will be another story, and won't they be pissed when I inherit the greater share of our parents' estates? Lord, I pray for THAT outcome.)
None the less, my brothers are fucking assholes. They pretend to be holy rollers, but they are hypocrites. I think they know they are, and they will have to answer for that - in the meantime, I KNOW, and THEY KNOW I know, and that has to be enough.
Lalalalala ...
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Closing in ... on closure
So, it's June 11 - and we're possibly 3 weeks out of selling 23 Douglas Drive.
I hope and pray that is the case, but we still don't have documentation to say that is really so. And there's no reason we shouldn't. I think the buyers (who are the PERFECT family to buy our parents' house) really want it and are qualified buyers.
What's not right is ...
1. Our realtor is an asshole and has been completely incompetent in this transaction. 7 weeks and we still have not signed off and finalized the home inspection issues.
2. The attorney is clueless on how the deeds and trusts will impact the sale.
3. Phillip has been the solo communicator with the realtor - when neither one of them is in charge.
4. Freddy has been mostly absent during this process - and as particularly ignored me.
5. The home inspection "repairs" have not been finalized - and I am not inclined to agree to pay for the questionable items identified as needing remedy. We've already been through this process - and done more that $100K of repairs to the house and property (not counting the carrying costs for two years).
6. It's all about Phil wanting his inheritance. Hell, he's already planned a celebratory week with his children at the beach the week after the scheduled closing on a house that doesn't even have a ratified contract. Talk about "counting his chickens" ...
It's a hot mess from where I sit, but I am just riding it out.
The fact of the matter is there will not be enough money in any one account for my brothers to receive their inheritance. Dad is the one who changed his will to give them each $200K, but his funds won't be sufficient to give them that amount.
Our mother owned half of the house - so "her" half will go in her account (well, technically in the Howland Family Trust) - and Dad's half will go in his Trust account. There won't be enough money to pay off my brothers' inheritance, because it was our father's will that left them each $200K - not out mother's will.
So yeah. I can totally up-end their funds - and I think I will.
I hope and pray that is the case, but we still don't have documentation to say that is really so. And there's no reason we shouldn't. I think the buyers (who are the PERFECT family to buy our parents' house) really want it and are qualified buyers.
What's not right is ...
1. Our realtor is an asshole and has been completely incompetent in this transaction. 7 weeks and we still have not signed off and finalized the home inspection issues.
2. The attorney is clueless on how the deeds and trusts will impact the sale.
3. Phillip has been the solo communicator with the realtor - when neither one of them is in charge.
4. Freddy has been mostly absent during this process - and as particularly ignored me.
5. The home inspection "repairs" have not been finalized - and I am not inclined to agree to pay for the questionable items identified as needing remedy. We've already been through this process - and done more that $100K of repairs to the house and property (not counting the carrying costs for two years).
6. It's all about Phil wanting his inheritance. Hell, he's already planned a celebratory week with his children at the beach the week after the scheduled closing on a house that doesn't even have a ratified contract. Talk about "counting his chickens" ...
It's a hot mess from where I sit, but I am just riding it out.
The fact of the matter is there will not be enough money in any one account for my brothers to receive their inheritance. Dad is the one who changed his will to give them each $200K, but his funds won't be sufficient to give them that amount.
Our mother owned half of the house - so "her" half will go in her account (well, technically in the Howland Family Trust) - and Dad's half will go in his Trust account. There won't be enough money to pay off my brothers' inheritance, because it was our father's will that left them each $200K - not out mother's will.
So yeah. I can totally up-end their funds - and I think I will.
Friday, June 7, 2019
Boundaries
Daddy passed away on May 10, 2017.
When the two-year anniversary of his passing landed and we had not sold his house and executed his "will", I was feeling undone by failure. I had spent the better part of those two years establishing all of the parameters that our parents had defined in their wills and trusts - but I felt that my brothers were preventing the ultimate/necessary conclusions to these tasks.
I made up my mind a week or so ago that it was past time to set boundaries for myself. It feels pretty good, most of the time, that I have defended myself, and dismissed myself from the CRAP that belongs to my brothers. I hate them for the way they have responded to their roles in our lives, and I hate that they don't have "their inheritance" because they have been stupid in their response to selling our parents' house. THEY failed in how we needed to sell this house, and I know it. They know it too, but they will never admit it.
Since then, we've been reminded of the 75th anniversary of D-Day, and what that meant to our world, and knowing that our father (and our mother) experienced the worst possible definition of how life could be - when our father was across the Atlantic defending freedom for others when his new wife (and future family) was in America - mostly alone - how they endured that, I can't even imagine.
So it all brings me back to June, 2019. 75 years since the Fred and Ginny story began, and what their lives entailed, what their expectations were, what they thought their children would do or be, and how their legacies would play out.
I remember the day they came to my Kings Charter house in June 2002. They had set into motion their wills and trusts. They were en route to a stamp show in Washington DC, and they dropped Judy off to spend a few days with me, but they had a greater mission: to explain to me their final wishes.
I begged them NOT to set up their estates that way. I did NOT want to be the one to stand up to my brothers (on our sister's behalf), and I didn't like it one bit.
Here we are. Since then our Mom died - and Dad wanted to buy a house for me and Judy (this was a change from the original plan.) I only agreed once Dad changed his will - to leave our brothers an equal amount (his investment in the house for me and Judy) - and that's where we are today.
It's taken more than two years to sell our father's house for more reasons than they are willing to admit. Freddy - he's a cluster fuck brother who has NO CLUE how the rest of the world thinks. Another blog topic, for sure.
Phil - he tells me "I don't care" in his most recent email. After more than a year of pressing me for his inheritance? Seriously? (You wanted me to find a way to finance your children's business advancement, and I had to say NO.) Come on!
Get real, dude.
I've jumped through hoops to give you your inheritance. I found a way (Dad's Towne Bank Stock - had we sold it in 2017 we'd have had the funds, but we didn't in December 2018 because we have a US President idiot. What was worth $180K in June 2017 is now worth less than $120K.) I gave you $50K of your inheritance from our father's savings account - NOT according to the terms of the sale of his house, but from his savings account - that our father left in MY NAME - and you have the GAUL to call me shameful.
Boundaries. Phillip. You have NO CLUE what this side of this argument is. YOU are the shameful one, and you are selfish. Freddy is another story. I think he knows his own shame - which is why he hasn't responded to my emails.
When the two-year anniversary of his passing landed and we had not sold his house and executed his "will", I was feeling undone by failure. I had spent the better part of those two years establishing all of the parameters that our parents had defined in their wills and trusts - but I felt that my brothers were preventing the ultimate/necessary conclusions to these tasks.
I made up my mind a week or so ago that it was past time to set boundaries for myself. It feels pretty good, most of the time, that I have defended myself, and dismissed myself from the CRAP that belongs to my brothers. I hate them for the way they have responded to their roles in our lives, and I hate that they don't have "their inheritance" because they have been stupid in their response to selling our parents' house. THEY failed in how we needed to sell this house, and I know it. They know it too, but they will never admit it.
Since then, we've been reminded of the 75th anniversary of D-Day, and what that meant to our world, and knowing that our father (and our mother) experienced the worst possible definition of how life could be - when our father was across the Atlantic defending freedom for others when his new wife (and future family) was in America - mostly alone - how they endured that, I can't even imagine.
So it all brings me back to June, 2019. 75 years since the Fred and Ginny story began, and what their lives entailed, what their expectations were, what they thought their children would do or be, and how their legacies would play out.
I remember the day they came to my Kings Charter house in June 2002. They had set into motion their wills and trusts. They were en route to a stamp show in Washington DC, and they dropped Judy off to spend a few days with me, but they had a greater mission: to explain to me their final wishes.
I begged them NOT to set up their estates that way. I did NOT want to be the one to stand up to my brothers (on our sister's behalf), and I didn't like it one bit.
Here we are. Since then our Mom died - and Dad wanted to buy a house for me and Judy (this was a change from the original plan.) I only agreed once Dad changed his will - to leave our brothers an equal amount (his investment in the house for me and Judy) - and that's where we are today.
It's taken more than two years to sell our father's house for more reasons than they are willing to admit. Freddy - he's a cluster fuck brother who has NO CLUE how the rest of the world thinks. Another blog topic, for sure.
Phil - he tells me "I don't care" in his most recent email. After more than a year of pressing me for his inheritance? Seriously? (You wanted me to find a way to finance your children's business advancement, and I had to say NO.) Come on!
Get real, dude.
I've jumped through hoops to give you your inheritance. I found a way (Dad's Towne Bank Stock - had we sold it in 2017 we'd have had the funds, but we didn't in December 2018 because we have a US President idiot. What was worth $180K in June 2017 is now worth less than $120K.) I gave you $50K of your inheritance from our father's savings account - NOT according to the terms of the sale of his house, but from his savings account - that our father left in MY NAME - and you have the GAUL to call me shameful.
Boundaries. Phillip. You have NO CLUE what this side of this argument is. YOU are the shameful one, and you are selfish. Freddy is another story. I think he knows his own shame - which is why he hasn't responded to my emails.
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