Need a break!

So damn tired. Tired of my siblings' influence on my daily life.

Tired of the 24/7 daily grind of dealing with another person who contributes nothing except demands of my time and energy. And here lately, she is being counter-productive.

Throwing away food because "it take up too much room" in the pantry or fridge. (Not out of date, mind you. It takes up too much room. Food she asked me to buy for her.)
Throwing away silverware. "Where my favorite knife?" "I have no idea, Judy. When did you use it last?" "This morning on my banana." "Then it will be in the trash bag if you used it this morning because it is not in the drawer, sink, or dishwasher." We're also down to 9 (of 12) spoons.
Clumsiness. Banging pots and pans on the marble countertop and chipping the edges, even though I've told her I will put away the pots and pans. Dumping the entire silverware vessel of clean silverware on the counter or floor. Breaking things - not a big deal, but happening more often.
Forgetfulness. Calling me on the phone at 3:20 today to tell me she "not remember" giving the check (in an envelope) addressed to her driver this morning. (Check was on the kitchen table when she got up this morning. It was not there when she left.) I looked at her online account - check has not been cashed. If it doesn't show up tomorrow, I will call her driver's company.
Expecting me to spend my day doing tasks for her. Granted, I regularly do that, but today she asked me "you work in my room today?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You make appointments for me?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You buy my groceries?" "Yes, I bought your groceries." (They were sitting on the dryer when she walked in the back door.) "I not see them in the pantry." "Look again, Judy. Where do I put the groceries I buy for you when you are not with me?" She gets up and goes to the laundry room. "Oh, that right. On the dryer."

And now it's time for me too cook dinner. I'd rather not. She could have a "Clean Machine" (the way she says "Lean Cuisine"), but we won't. I will prepare a dinner.

I know I agreed to this life, but I did not expect to be on this Judy Journey all by myself. We have two brothers, two sisters-in-law, 7 nephews and nieces (five of them married).

The only thing I can figure with their absence from Judy's life (not that they ever were really a part of it) is that they are pissed they haven't received their (perceived) inheritance. Our parents left everything to Judy - in trusts.  One of our nieces has asked her father for a $40K "loan" from the trust (to be repaid in NINE years). That request was denied. (After a conversation with my attorney, "the trust is not a bank and NO, you cannot lend money to one of your parents' grandchildren without offering the same to the others," he said.)

When our father wanted to buy a house for me and Judy, I begged him to change his will and the terms of the trusts. He couldn't change Mom's will and trust, but he could change his own. "Daddy, I can't let you buy this house. You can pay half for Judy, and I will finance my half." He didn't want to do that; he wanted to pay for the whole house. "Then you need to change your will so our brothers will get an equal amount - upon the sale of YOUR house." He didn't want to do that either. "Then at least agree to go to the lawyer's office with me and discuss it." He agreed to see the lawyer. His attorney told him "Your daughter is wise to insist that you do this, Fred."  So Daddy changed his will and trust - upon the sale of the house, our brothers will get an equal share (of the house that Dad bought for me and Judy) of their inheritance.  He also changed his life insurance so that each of us would receive an equal amount. The rest will be divided upon Judy's passing - according to the terms of our mother's will and of our father's will (the terms are different).

In the meantime, as our parents' administrator, I am managing all of the trusts, fulfilling our parents' wishes and terms, and serving as Judy's guardian and caregiver. I also have to file (with Dad's CPA) six sets of taxes (plus my own), manage nine bank accounts, 11 investment accounts, two sets of Social Security requirements, and my own retirement planning. Getting Judy's benefits set up through the military DFAS office was another financial hurdle, and the Medicare/Tricare hoops are still ongoing.

Fortunately, when I retired in 2013, I was able to spend a lot of time with Dad between Mom's passing in July 2013 and Dad's decline in November 2015. While his lucidity waned, he still was able to explain most of the details to me so I could achieve most of what he wanted to happen.

What I didn't expect was how our brothers (and the rest of our family) has responded to OUR needs. To be fair, Phil (and his wife Jeanie) has done his part - mostly. Freddy, not so much. He's mostly objected to everything I've tried to set into motion - with his wife's input.

And now we are at an impasse. I have arranged (several times since June 2017) for the final liquidation of the contents of the house, have a realtor retained for the listing, and it's time to sell the house. Phil is a motivated seller (as am I) to move past this last hurdle with the house. Freddy is holding back his endorsement for closure - based on his wife's opinion, which is totally irrelevant to anything to do with our parents' desires. It is because of her that our parents' wills and trusts are written they way they are - so she gets NO SAY in the distribution, and now here we are - with her opinion holding Freddy back from hitting the "go" button.

It's time for closure, brothers. Let's get this over with. I want you to have your inheritance, but I can't just "give it" to you. You have to let go so the terms can be fulfilled.

"Per stirpes." Time's a ticking!