One week until Christmas Eve.
How I loved this time of year when my parents were still alive. They were so good at making holidays special, for all of us, but particularly for Judy. Mom was the mastermind (planner and buyer) behind the plan, Dad was the facilitator and the bank account. Anything Mom said, Dad did it. They were a great team. I used to think I was good at it, too. I still have the mastermind planner in me, but the facilitating part is my biggest challenge.
How I wish I had more energy and some back-up to make all the special ideas/thoughts I have for the holidays to be special for my family (which nowadays, means Judy). But I don't. I do the best I can. I am only one person. (And in the back of my head, I see my two brothers, their wives, their seven kids, five of them married with 16 grandkids. You get the picture.) It would be so much more fun if they were a part of Judy's life - but they are not.
Mom and Dad had each other, and if that wasn't enough, they had me. When Mom couldn't do it, they still had me. Then Dad struggled, and he had me ... and now. Well. It's just me. I still have the thoughts and the mastermind of Mom, Dad's fortitude - but I'm running out of steam... I'm struggling with filling all of the roles by myself. I honestly thought my brothers would still be a part of our sister's life. I was wrong. Our parents were wrong.
My/our reality is I'm trying to keep up the pace that my parents set into motion to make Judy's Christmas as special as before, but I have no one NO ONE helping me.
To the contrary...
At this "family" time of year, my brothers have been mostly absent from our lives (Judy's life). Neither has reached out to Judy (or me), except to ask for and to spend our father's money. Which has completely taken me by surprise.
In cahoots, my brothers spent about $50K of Dad's funds on our parents' house (home improvements) while/during/after losing two potential buyers in the last six months (completely missed opportunities to close the deals - not once, but twice.)
And Phil - who has been most communicative and involved - asked for his inheritance (tied to the sale of the house).
I have (and still do) reservations about that, but I (as our father's administrator) gave him 25% of his inheritance. I can't do the same thing for Freddy - to do that would wipe out our father's accounts. I am so uncomfortable with that decision for several reasons.
1. The house is NOT sold (for a variety of reasons.)
2. The will said "upon the sale of the house."
3. Yes, there was a clause "if the house didn't sell in six months" ... but that meant a percentage of the inheritance would be distributed, and we are so past that number.
4. Phil now has his 25% - but we don't have another 25% to give to Freddy. I am NOT comfortable that Phil has $50K of our father's money and Freddy does not. But I cannot give Freddy $50K of our father's money and continue to manage our father's affairs until the house is sold.
And I haven't had a "live" conversation with Freddy about this.
Then there's the Towne Bank stock. Wouldn't you know that the stock market has been a HOT MESS since we started talking about selling the stock.
In May 2017 when Dad passed away, it was worth $180K. I asked then if we needed to sell the stock. In November 2018, when Phil started pressing me for his $200K inheritance, it was down to $150K. Since we started talking about selling the stock (that Freddy expressed interest in acquiring at the $180K value) ... the stock has PLUMMETED.
This isn't me exaggerating, it's our reality. I remember how proud our father was when his attorney told him what a "great steward" of his money he had been in setting up his estate. I sure wonder how he would feel about our follow-up.
I hate that my brothers have put me in this position. My intent since I agreed in 2002 (reluctantly) to manage our parents' affairs that I have compromised their request of me. I don't think it is fair, and I am undone that I can't fix it. Now, until the house is sold.
They (my parents initially, and now my brothers) have put me in this place - and I hate it. It's wrong. It's bad. And I need them to know.
The saddest part of it all is my brothers don't get it. Our parents set up their estate for Judy's benefit, which is my 100% mission - but our brothers are looking at this from a different point of view - their personal gain. Freddy hasn't pressed it - but Phil has. (I will say I think Freddy is looking out for Tres and Tim, and I am okay with that.)
It's just pitiful that they have done this - and I wish they would rethink.
Monday, December 17, 2018
Saturday, July 28, 2018
The Help
I absolutely love this book and movie.
I grew up from 1955-1973 as a Southern woman and an Army officer's daughter and could easily have been that "ugly baby" that Abilene told "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." I loved our maids. They were nannies to us. They cleaned, they cooked, and they took care of us kids when mom and dad traveled.
When we lived in the States, mom always had a maid, and they dressed the same as the women in this movie. Because we moved so much and I was too young, I don't remember their names from 1955-1965.
I remember when we lived in Germany in the early 60s, we had German maids that didn't last long with mom because she treated them badly. They never did what she asked them to, and they stole stuff from her as she told it. When we lived in Montgomery, Alabama for about 9 months 1964-65, mom struggled to keep a maid - and we were in school most of that time. So I don't remember those maids at all. In 1965, when we moved to Alexandria VA for a few years, Dad went to Vietnam. That's when we had Mrs. Kerr.
I remember Mrs. Kerr from 1965-69. She wasn't a maid. She was our nanny and cook. And she was white. She had been our neighbor when we first lived in Alexandria in the late 50s, and she was a cafeteria lady at an elementary school by day. She loved us like we were her own grandchildren.
The second trip to Germany, I don't remember the maids. They were short-lived again, probably same story as the first time around.
When we returned to the states in 1971, I was 15. These I remember the most. I remember the two black maids mom had in Newport News. Geneva (1971-1981) at the Capt. John Smith Road house in Riverside. She rode the bus that dropped her off at the house - three days a week for 11 years. She had a silver polishing day, a bathroom and sheets day, and window washing day. Every day she dusted and vacuumed. When our parents moved to York County, Geneva didn't drive, and the bus didn't come to York County, so mom had to let her go.
Then there was Evelyn (1981-1994) mom hired because she could drive. If I'm not mistaken, Dad bought Evelyn a car so she could drive herself to York County, and stayed on when they moved back to Newport News. She retired at 75 years old. Mom continued to take gifts and food to Evelyn for every birthday (hers, her children's, her grandchildren's) and holidays, and our parents paid for her funeral. She was a family member.
And then Pat - who is white. She was in her 60s when she started with our parents in 1995. Two days a week. Wednesday and Friday. Pat became Dad's lifeline for the years of mom's Alzheimers and nursing home time. Pat continued to clean and take care of an unoccupied house after Judy and Dad moved to Richmond. Phil and Jeanie let her go when they moved in 2016.
What I remember over my family's lifetime - and what this book/movie revealed to me was the reality I experienced as my mother's daughter. She was a southern woman, born in 1926, died in 2013, an Army wife, and because my father was an officer, Mom had to learn in 1944 how not to be prejudice, how not to treat the help in her southern ways.
She got better at it over the years, but by the end, she knew how badly she had treated the women who made her life as a wife and mother work, and she tried desperately to make it up to them all by her care of Evelyn, and ultimately, our father's care of Pat.
Dad (when he retired in the 80s and participated more in the household management), made sure that both Evelyn and Pat had social security - by assisting them in filing their taxes and paying their social security - which I continued for Pat until 2016 - and she eventually retired with a pension, of sorts.
So this book and movie have had a huge impact on me as I review the "day to day" lives of my parents, and now mine. I am mindful of whatever "help" I can get, and those who serve me and my house will get their just rewards for their service in my house. It may have taken a lifetime of service for my parents to figure it out, but I am a quick learner - and they taught me well.
I can't say how much I appreciate those who have helped me over the last four years, and knowing that I will need them more in the coming ones, I am thankful for their service to help me and Judy make our lives better.
The book/movie "The Help" left me with this message: What our predecessors did was unconscionable how they treated their "help" - I am embarrassed by most of it, and humbled by my father's insistence that we have to remedy it. As we all should.
I love having a "maid." She is not that to me, and she knows it. She is my housekeeper. She makes my house work. And I couldn't do it without her!
I grew up from 1955-1973 as a Southern woman and an Army officer's daughter and could easily have been that "ugly baby" that Abilene told "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." I loved our maids. They were nannies to us. They cleaned, they cooked, and they took care of us kids when mom and dad traveled.
When we lived in the States, mom always had a maid, and they dressed the same as the women in this movie. Because we moved so much and I was too young, I don't remember their names from 1955-1965.
I remember when we lived in Germany in the early 60s, we had German maids that didn't last long with mom because she treated them badly. They never did what she asked them to, and they stole stuff from her as she told it. When we lived in Montgomery, Alabama for about 9 months 1964-65, mom struggled to keep a maid - and we were in school most of that time. So I don't remember those maids at all. In 1965, when we moved to Alexandria VA for a few years, Dad went to Vietnam. That's when we had Mrs. Kerr.
I remember Mrs. Kerr from 1965-69. She wasn't a maid. She was our nanny and cook. And she was white. She had been our neighbor when we first lived in Alexandria in the late 50s, and she was a cafeteria lady at an elementary school by day. She loved us like we were her own grandchildren.
The second trip to Germany, I don't remember the maids. They were short-lived again, probably same story as the first time around.
When we returned to the states in 1971, I was 15. These I remember the most. I remember the two black maids mom had in Newport News. Geneva (1971-1981) at the Capt. John Smith Road house in Riverside. She rode the bus that dropped her off at the house - three days a week for 11 years. She had a silver polishing day, a bathroom and sheets day, and window washing day. Every day she dusted and vacuumed. When our parents moved to York County, Geneva didn't drive, and the bus didn't come to York County, so mom had to let her go.
Then there was Evelyn (1981-1994) mom hired because she could drive. If I'm not mistaken, Dad bought Evelyn a car so she could drive herself to York County, and stayed on when they moved back to Newport News. She retired at 75 years old. Mom continued to take gifts and food to Evelyn for every birthday (hers, her children's, her grandchildren's) and holidays, and our parents paid for her funeral. She was a family member.
And then Pat - who is white. She was in her 60s when she started with our parents in 1995. Two days a week. Wednesday and Friday. Pat became Dad's lifeline for the years of mom's Alzheimers and nursing home time. Pat continued to clean and take care of an unoccupied house after Judy and Dad moved to Richmond. Phil and Jeanie let her go when they moved in 2016.
What I remember over my family's lifetime - and what this book/movie revealed to me was the reality I experienced as my mother's daughter. She was a southern woman, born in 1926, died in 2013, an Army wife, and because my father was an officer, Mom had to learn in 1944 how not to be prejudice, how not to treat the help in her southern ways.
She got better at it over the years, but by the end, she knew how badly she had treated the women who made her life as a wife and mother work, and she tried desperately to make it up to them all by her care of Evelyn, and ultimately, our father's care of Pat.
Dad (when he retired in the 80s and participated more in the household management), made sure that both Evelyn and Pat had social security - by assisting them in filing their taxes and paying their social security - which I continued for Pat until 2016 - and she eventually retired with a pension, of sorts.
So this book and movie have had a huge impact on me as I review the "day to day" lives of my parents, and now mine. I am mindful of whatever "help" I can get, and those who serve me and my house will get their just rewards for their service in my house. It may have taken a lifetime of service for my parents to figure it out, but I am a quick learner - and they taught me well.
I can't say how much I appreciate those who have helped me over the last four years, and knowing that I will need them more in the coming ones, I am thankful for their service to help me and Judy make our lives better.
The book/movie "The Help" left me with this message: What our predecessors did was unconscionable how they treated their "help" - I am embarrassed by most of it, and humbled by my father's insistence that we have to remedy it. As we all should.
I love having a "maid." She is not that to me, and she knows it. She is my housekeeper. She makes my house work. And I couldn't do it without her!
Sunday, March 4, 2018
Being an aunt...
I loved being an aunt of seven nephews and nieces until ... the reality of being an aunt of my brothers' adult children has meant thanklessness.
Keep in mind that my brother Fred married his first wife twice - the first time while our father was in Vietnam in 1967; the second time after she divorced him in the early 1980s, wiped him out financially, married someone else, and roped Freddy back in six years later.
I remember when my oldest nephew Tres got married in Greenville, SC. I gladly volunteered to host the bride's brunch (at the mother of the bride's tennis club). I polished the family silver and hauled it to South Carolina, planned the menu and prepared the food there. While it was laborious and fun, I distinctly remember wonderiing "where are the mothers of the bride and groom?" that morning. I had Judy and the grandmothers of the groom helping me. That evening at the wedding reception, I remember our father ordering drinks at the "cash bar" for me, my mom, my sister. I accompanied him to the bar to pick up the drinks and to Dad's dismay, he had to pay for our drinks. We attributed the oversight to the bride's family - but my brother (father of the groom) should have made advance arrangements for our drinks to be paid for. (That couple is no longer a couple).
Fast forward to Tim's wedding. I might also mention he is my godson too. I wasn't invited to the the rehearsal dinner, so our parents refused to attend. Mother of the groom concocted a family feud - and a lie that the father of the groom was a full Colonel, as printed on the invitations and in the newspaper announcements. Talk about a piece of work. She really pulled off a doozy.
Then there's my other brother Phil. I remember when he and Jeanie got married. Well, not completely true, as I did not witness Phil and Jeanie's wedding ceremony in Dothan, Alabama. I was there, but was not allowed in the chapel because Tim (who was 2 and potty training) needed to go to the bathroom. Tim ran down the aisle to his father (who was at the alter with Phil) to announce he needed to go to the potty, so Freddy brought him to his mother and she refused to take him because the wedding was about to start. Freddy looked at me, and so I took Tim to the bathroom at the Hardee's across the parking lot (the bride was in the only bathroom at the church). When I returned with Tim, the wedding coordinator would not let me back in the church.
Phil and Jeanie then joined the Mormon church. Non Mormons don't get to attend Mormon weddings. Five children and about 20 years' later, the weddings of Phil and Jeanie's children commence. Not traveling to Indiana, North Dakota, and Utah (twice) for dinner. Not happening.
So nah. It hasn't been a warm fuzzy feeling being an aunt these past 25 years.
Monday, February 12, 2018
Saying goodbye.
I've never been good at it.
Most of my life has been spent moving from one place to another. As a military brat, my family moved so frequently, I attended 15 schools before graduating high school. That was a lot of goodbyes.
I went to one undergraduate college for four years - Longwood - only because my father wouldn't let me leave after two years. I went there to become a teacher. I was good at it. I learned by student teaching at Midlothian High School under Katherine Baugher, and I landed a decent job at Lancaster High School, which enabled me to prove myself as a four-year "veteran" teacher - long enough to become "tenured." Then I left to get a master's degree in Journalism.
Loved being a student at VCU, living in Richmond, subbing in Chesterfield. A one year blur, but what a great way to get a master's degree. And another good job. J. R. Tucker High School - 13 years. One engagement that didn't work out; bought a house by myself. Another engagement and a failed - battered wife story - marriage. Two homes later ... and a business start-up that found me quite by accident. My neighborhood needed a directory and I knew how to make it happen.
My strongest adult years were the ones in the middle. When all of my friends were raising children and paying lots of bills, I got to be footloose and fancy free. I went full time with Designs by Trish - which became DBTPI, Inc. I made more money in the summers selling ads and publishing neighborhood telephone directories. Everybody loved that I was a journalism teacher turned self-publisher. I lived in the communities I served, and they liked the product and message.
Those five years of my life empowered me and made me an enigma to everyone who knew me. I had my own self-doubts, but everyone else saw a confident, powerful woman and they all seemed to want a piece of me. I think if I had held out another year or two, I might still be that person. But I didn't.
Most of my life has been spent moving from one place to another. As a military brat, my family moved so frequently, I attended 15 schools before graduating high school. That was a lot of goodbyes.
I went to one undergraduate college for four years - Longwood - only because my father wouldn't let me leave after two years. I went there to become a teacher. I was good at it. I learned by student teaching at Midlothian High School under Katherine Baugher, and I landed a decent job at Lancaster High School, which enabled me to prove myself as a four-year "veteran" teacher - long enough to become "tenured." Then I left to get a master's degree in Journalism.
Loved being a student at VCU, living in Richmond, subbing in Chesterfield. A one year blur, but what a great way to get a master's degree. And another good job. J. R. Tucker High School - 13 years. One engagement that didn't work out; bought a house by myself. Another engagement and a failed - battered wife story - marriage. Two homes later ... and a business start-up that found me quite by accident. My neighborhood needed a directory and I knew how to make it happen.
My strongest adult years were the ones in the middle. When all of my friends were raising children and paying lots of bills, I got to be footloose and fancy free. I went full time with Designs by Trish - which became DBTPI, Inc. I made more money in the summers selling ads and publishing neighborhood telephone directories. Everybody loved that I was a journalism teacher turned self-publisher. I lived in the communities I served, and they liked the product and message.
Those five years of my life empowered me and made me an enigma to everyone who knew me. I had my own self-doubts, but everyone else saw a confident, powerful woman and they all seemed to want a piece of me. I think if I had held out another year or two, I might still be that person. But I didn't.
Need a break!
So damn tired. Tired of my siblings' influence on my daily life.
Tired of the 24/7 daily grind of dealing with another person who contributes nothing except demands of my time and energy. And here lately, she is being counter-productive.
Throwing away food because "it take up too much room" in the pantry or fridge. (Not out of date, mind you. It takes up too much room. Food she asked me to buy for her.)
Throwing away silverware. "Where my favorite knife?" "I have no idea, Judy. When did you use it last?" "This morning on my banana." "Then it will be in the trash bag if you used it this morning because it is not in the drawer, sink, or dishwasher." We're also down to 9 (of 12) spoons.
Clumsiness. Banging pots and pans on the marble countertop and chipping the edges, even though I've told her I will put away the pots and pans. Dumping the entire silverware vessel of clean silverware on the counter or floor. Breaking things - not a big deal, but happening more often.
Forgetfulness. Calling me on the phone at 3:20 today to tell me she "not remember" giving the check (in an envelope) addressed to her driver this morning. (Check was on the kitchen table when she got up this morning. It was not there when she left.) I looked at her online account - check has not been cashed. If it doesn't show up tomorrow, I will call her driver's company.
Expecting me to spend my day doing tasks for her. Granted, I regularly do that, but today she asked me "you work in my room today?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You make appointments for me?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You buy my groceries?" "Yes, I bought your groceries." (They were sitting on the dryer when she walked in the back door.) "I not see them in the pantry." "Look again, Judy. Where do I put the groceries I buy for you when you are not with me?" She gets up and goes to the laundry room. "Oh, that right. On the dryer."
And now it's time for me too cook dinner. I'd rather not. She could have a "Clean Machine" (the way she says "Lean Cuisine"), but we won't. I will prepare a dinner.
I know I agreed to this life, but I did not expect to be on this Judy Journey all by myself. We have two brothers, two sisters-in-law, 7 nephews and nieces (five of them married).
The only thing I can figure with their absence from Judy's life (not that they ever were really a part of it) is that they are pissed they haven't received their (perceived) inheritance. Our parents left everything to Judy - in trusts. One of our nieces has asked her father for a $40K "loan" from the trust (to be repaid in NINE years). That request was denied. (After a conversation with my attorney, "the trust is not a bank and NO, you cannot lend money to one of your parents' grandchildren without offering the same to the others," he said.)
When our father wanted to buy a house for me and Judy, I begged him to change his will and the terms of the trusts. He couldn't change Mom's will and trust, but he could change his own. "Daddy, I can't let you buy this house. You can pay half for Judy, and I will finance my half." He didn't want to do that; he wanted to pay for the whole house. "Then you need to change your will so our brothers will get an equal amount - upon the sale of YOUR house." He didn't want to do that either. "Then at least agree to go to the lawyer's office with me and discuss it." He agreed to see the lawyer. His attorney told him "Your daughter is wise to insist that you do this, Fred." So Daddy changed his will and trust - upon the sale of the house, our brothers will get an equal share (of the house that Dad bought for me and Judy) of their inheritance. He also changed his life insurance so that each of us would receive an equal amount. The rest will be divided upon Judy's passing - according to the terms of our mother's will and of our father's will (the terms are different).
In the meantime, as our parents' administrator, I am managing all of the trusts, fulfilling our parents' wishes and terms, and serving as Judy's guardian and caregiver. I also have to file (with Dad's CPA) six sets of taxes (plus my own), manage nine bank accounts, 11 investment accounts, two sets of Social Security requirements, and my own retirement planning. Getting Judy's benefits set up through the military DFAS office was another financial hurdle, and the Medicare/Tricare hoops are still ongoing.
Fortunately, when I retired in 2013, I was able to spend a lot of time with Dad between Mom's passing in July 2013 and Dad's decline in November 2015. While his lucidity waned, he still was able to explain most of the details to me so I could achieve most of what he wanted to happen.
What I didn't expect was how our brothers (and the rest of our family) has responded to OUR needs. To be fair, Phil (and his wife Jeanie) has done his part - mostly. Freddy, not so much. He's mostly objected to everything I've tried to set into motion - with his wife's input.
And now we are at an impasse. I have arranged (several times since June 2017) for the final liquidation of the contents of the house, have a realtor retained for the listing, and it's time to sell the house. Phil is a motivated seller (as am I) to move past this last hurdle with the house. Freddy is holding back his endorsement for closure - based on his wife's opinion, which is totally irrelevant to anything to do with our parents' desires. It is because of her that our parents' wills and trusts are written they way they are - so she gets NO SAY in the distribution, and now here we are - with her opinion holding Freddy back from hitting the "go" button.
It's time for closure, brothers. Let's get this over with. I want you to have your inheritance, but I can't just "give it" to you. You have to let go so the terms can be fulfilled.
"Per stirpes." Time's a ticking!
Tired of the 24/7 daily grind of dealing with another person who contributes nothing except demands of my time and energy. And here lately, she is being counter-productive.
Throwing away food because "it take up too much room" in the pantry or fridge. (Not out of date, mind you. It takes up too much room. Food she asked me to buy for her.)
Throwing away silverware. "Where my favorite knife?" "I have no idea, Judy. When did you use it last?" "This morning on my banana." "Then it will be in the trash bag if you used it this morning because it is not in the drawer, sink, or dishwasher." We're also down to 9 (of 12) spoons.
Clumsiness. Banging pots and pans on the marble countertop and chipping the edges, even though I've told her I will put away the pots and pans. Dumping the entire silverware vessel of clean silverware on the counter or floor. Breaking things - not a big deal, but happening more often.
Forgetfulness. Calling me on the phone at 3:20 today to tell me she "not remember" giving the check (in an envelope) addressed to her driver this morning. (Check was on the kitchen table when she got up this morning. It was not there when she left.) I looked at her online account - check has not been cashed. If it doesn't show up tomorrow, I will call her driver's company.
Expecting me to spend my day doing tasks for her. Granted, I regularly do that, but today she asked me "you work in my room today?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You make appointments for me?" "No, Judy. I did other things." "You buy my groceries?" "Yes, I bought your groceries." (They were sitting on the dryer when she walked in the back door.) "I not see them in the pantry." "Look again, Judy. Where do I put the groceries I buy for you when you are not with me?" She gets up and goes to the laundry room. "Oh, that right. On the dryer."
And now it's time for me too cook dinner. I'd rather not. She could have a "Clean Machine" (the way she says "Lean Cuisine"), but we won't. I will prepare a dinner.
I know I agreed to this life, but I did not expect to be on this Judy Journey all by myself. We have two brothers, two sisters-in-law, 7 nephews and nieces (five of them married).
The only thing I can figure with their absence from Judy's life (not that they ever were really a part of it) is that they are pissed they haven't received their (perceived) inheritance. Our parents left everything to Judy - in trusts. One of our nieces has asked her father for a $40K "loan" from the trust (to be repaid in NINE years). That request was denied. (After a conversation with my attorney, "the trust is not a bank and NO, you cannot lend money to one of your parents' grandchildren without offering the same to the others," he said.)
When our father wanted to buy a house for me and Judy, I begged him to change his will and the terms of the trusts. He couldn't change Mom's will and trust, but he could change his own. "Daddy, I can't let you buy this house. You can pay half for Judy, and I will finance my half." He didn't want to do that; he wanted to pay for the whole house. "Then you need to change your will so our brothers will get an equal amount - upon the sale of YOUR house." He didn't want to do that either. "Then at least agree to go to the lawyer's office with me and discuss it." He agreed to see the lawyer. His attorney told him "Your daughter is wise to insist that you do this, Fred." So Daddy changed his will and trust - upon the sale of the house, our brothers will get an equal share (of the house that Dad bought for me and Judy) of their inheritance. He also changed his life insurance so that each of us would receive an equal amount. The rest will be divided upon Judy's passing - according to the terms of our mother's will and of our father's will (the terms are different).
In the meantime, as our parents' administrator, I am managing all of the trusts, fulfilling our parents' wishes and terms, and serving as Judy's guardian and caregiver. I also have to file (with Dad's CPA) six sets of taxes (plus my own), manage nine bank accounts, 11 investment accounts, two sets of Social Security requirements, and my own retirement planning. Getting Judy's benefits set up through the military DFAS office was another financial hurdle, and the Medicare/Tricare hoops are still ongoing.
Fortunately, when I retired in 2013, I was able to spend a lot of time with Dad between Mom's passing in July 2013 and Dad's decline in November 2015. While his lucidity waned, he still was able to explain most of the details to me so I could achieve most of what he wanted to happen.
What I didn't expect was how our brothers (and the rest of our family) has responded to OUR needs. To be fair, Phil (and his wife Jeanie) has done his part - mostly. Freddy, not so much. He's mostly objected to everything I've tried to set into motion - with his wife's input.
And now we are at an impasse. I have arranged (several times since June 2017) for the final liquidation of the contents of the house, have a realtor retained for the listing, and it's time to sell the house. Phil is a motivated seller (as am I) to move past this last hurdle with the house. Freddy is holding back his endorsement for closure - based on his wife's opinion, which is totally irrelevant to anything to do with our parents' desires. It is because of her that our parents' wills and trusts are written they way they are - so she gets NO SAY in the distribution, and now here we are - with her opinion holding Freddy back from hitting the "go" button.
It's time for closure, brothers. Let's get this over with. I want you to have your inheritance, but I can't just "give it" to you. You have to let go so the terms can be fulfilled.
"Per stirpes." Time's a ticking!
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