May 18, 2011

So Dad calls to give me an update - which is becoming more frequent lately.  He's been talking to the lawyer about a medical power of attorney for all of them to me and Freddy; talking to doctors and nurses about how to get Judy the assistance she needs to recuperate from her knee surgery; and then he hits me with the bomb of all bombs:

"Today was a day for the calendar. May 18th.  The day my wife could not remember who I am."

What a sad conversation.  I tried to remind him how important it is for him to take good care of himself - that he is the head of the triangle at 23 Douglas Drive and he must remain in good health and strong to do what he has chosen to do. 

When we got of the phone, I started crying and I just couldn't stop.  Thank heavens I have Linda to talk to - she is such a good listener.  She also knows how to change the subject. 

Oh my.  What I wouldn't do to turn back this clock and this calendar.  To insist that Dad move Mom and Judy to Richmond so I could help him navigate this maze of medical maladies and turmoil to his world.  I tried to make this happen three years ago, two years ago, and I thought I had everything in order to make it happen last year, but such was not the case and now it is necessary but oh so much more difficult.

I have no idea how all this is going to fall out - so the "rapture" prediction may come true at 23 Douglas Drive, whether we like it or not.  I can't control it nor can I stop the inevitable.  It is past time to have mom in a nursing home, but I am fully aware that Dad's life has revolved around his Ginny, and he would rather do anything than to upset her routine and apple cart.  But her apple cart is already upended and she has no idea who she is, where she is, or what is happening to her.  And Daddy is dealing with it all the very best that he can - which now may not be enough to keep his world altogether.

I am sad for them all - and I want to do what is right, but I don't know exactly what that is.  I guess I'm going to find out one way or another.  I hope it's not a phone call from a stranger. 

Too much change in the air right now.  Too many variables out of control.  Too many tasks to accomplish and not knowing how many days I have to do them.

One day at a time is a good way to approach this - so that's what I'll do.  But for the rest of my years, May 18 will stick in my brain as the day my dad noted was the end of the Fred and Ginny era.