Outrage and tears

It's a strange thing about how this concept works, but maybe not so much.  Sometimes you just get so damn upset about something that the only thing to do about it is cry.  Women are lucky that it's okay to cry - when you are happy, when you are sad, when you are just ready to throw in the towel on everything that really matters to you.

But then there's rage.  Rage is such a powerful thing.  Getting mad and "getting even" have never quite been my M.O. (modus operandi), but maybe I should adopt that philosophy and save the tears. 

Without going into the specifics of the last several days, I've found myself in both modes and it really is exhausting.  Trying to accomplish tasks is really hard when you are in this place - trust me.  And the longer it lasts, the harder it is to dig yourself out from under the mood swings.  Crying and getting over it works.  Getting mad and getting over that works.  But hovering between the two sucks.  And sleepless nights just compounds the angst and anxiety that results from it all.

I am mad and sad that my Mom has Alzheimers, that my Dad has to do so much for her and she's just mean about it all - I guess I would be mean too if my mind weren't working the way it's supposed to (like now).  I am mad that there's no cure for the common cold and that my sister cannot convey her specific ailments so that my dad can call a doctor and say "here's the deal."  Trying to help him from 90 minutes away is killing me. 

The longer this goes on, the harder it is to dig out from under it all.  The stress in my neck and back, the pressure in my eye sockets, the cravings for compassion and understanding - then getting it makes me cry even harder.  Days are beginning and ending with the same conundrums.

I think it's time to take a sleeping pill - or two.  Maybe that will stop the mind from twisting and turning.  Ya think?