Whoever came up with that expression was really sick. I am miserable right now and I don't want any company. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to be around another human being. And I certainly don't want to share my pain.
So why am I writing about it? I keep hoping that something cathartic will come of it - the words that stream from my fingers might find some solace, peace, a more positive vibe to help me get through the night. It hasn't arrived yet, but I am confident that something good will come of this meandering through cyberspace to make me feel - happy, better, ready to face another day, positive about this deadline lifestyle I've chosen for myself.
It was a good day as far as days go... Lots of good feedback from senior parents who were called yesterday by yearbookers about the senior ad deadline on Nov. 22 (happy, positive messages and MONEY from parents - and I loved that); another productive day in Yearbook - fixing spreads that needed fixing; Newspaper kids turned in their final drafts and I got most of them - double YAY; and I think I love my 6th block English class - that's really weird. 30 kids at the end of the day and I love them. They like me, and they like to be complimented - which is easy when they do good work - which most of them do. A few of them are extremely immature, but what can one expect from sophomores? At least they are really trying to be good students, which is stellar behavior from college prep sophomores.
So, why is it that I am miserable? I hate grades. Bottom line: I think grades put a quantitative factor on creativity and stifles the spirit. Every time the end of the marking period comes around, I have to put a numeric value on a student's creative spirit, and ultimately, someone's feeling get hurt. That is NOT why I wanted to become a teacher. I can look at a kid and tell you what grade they deserve in my class by their effort - and I don't need a rubric to justify it. My whole being knows that a kid who has only been in the United States for a year or two doesn't have the same skills as someone who was born here, but they have LEARNED and that deserves a passing grade. The numbers may not justify it, but the attitude does. Likewise, a kid (or their parents) who connives and questions every point and hasn't lived up to their ability and can do MUCH more doesn't deserve the extra points or higher grade really gets on my nerves.
I also don't care much for the scheduling of grades. The nine weeks ended officially today. Grades are due tomorrow by 3:45. THAT is outrageous. Just because the marking period ends doesn't mean that grades can be ready in 24 hours. Absurd. Stupid. Unrealistic.
Some of us actually teach up to the last possible moment and accept work until the deadline. Then we have to quantify it.
Get real, world. It is to everyone's advantage that a teacher has time to evaluate the numbers once they are in the system. But first the numbers have to be there, and when exactly is that supposed to happen? Last time I checked, I don't have a secretary or an accounting executive to put them in for me. Oh. That's right. I have to do that myself.
Like I said. I don't want or need any company. By profession, I am a teacher; by my other hours I am a homeowner, a sister, a daughter, aunt, and a friend. I just need TIME to do my other jobs: receptionist; attendance supervisor; behavioral management specialist; subject researcher of English, Journalism, Photojournalism; design manager; child study reporter; parent notification coordinator; lesson planner; personal secretary to students, parents and administration (and others as requested); and now, grader and data input specialist.
Catch my drift? I don't have time to be all of these, and I most certainly don't have time for company.
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