One week until Christmas Eve.
How I loved this time of year when my parents were still alive. They were so good at making holidays special, for all of us, but particularly for Judy. Mom was the mastermind (planner and buyer) behind the plan, Dad was the facilitator and the bank account. Anything Mom said, Dad did it. They were a great team. I used to think I was good at it, too. I still have the mastermind planner in me, but the facilitating part is my biggest challenge.
How I wish I had more energy and some back-up to make all the special ideas/thoughts I have for the holidays to be special for my family (which nowadays, means Judy). But I don't. I do the best I can. I am only one person. (And in the back of my head, I see my two brothers, their wives, their seven kids, five of them married with 16 grandkids. You get the picture.) It would be so much more fun if they were a part of Judy's life - but they are not.
Mom and Dad had each other, and if that wasn't enough, they had me. When Mom couldn't do it, they still had me. Then Dad struggled, and he had me ... and now. Well. It's just me. I still have the thoughts and the mastermind of Mom, Dad's fortitude - but I'm running out of steam... I'm struggling with filling all of the roles by myself. I honestly thought my brothers would still be a part of our sister's life. I was wrong. Our parents were wrong.
My/our reality is I'm trying to keep up the pace that my parents set into motion to make Judy's Christmas as special as before, but I have no one NO ONE helping me.
To the contrary...
At this "family" time of year, my brothers have been mostly absent from our lives (Judy's life). Neither has reached out to Judy (or me), except to ask for and to spend our father's money. Which has completely taken me by surprise.
In cahoots, my brothers spent about $50K of Dad's funds on our parents' house (home improvements) while/during/after losing two potential buyers in the last six months (completely missed opportunities to close the deals - not once, but twice.)
And Phil - who has been most communicative and involved - asked for his inheritance (tied to the sale of the house).
I have (and still do) reservations about that, but I (as our father's administrator) gave him 25% of his inheritance. I can't do the same thing for Freddy - to do that would wipe out our father's accounts. I am so uncomfortable with that decision for several reasons.
1. The house is NOT sold (for a variety of reasons.)
2. The will said "upon the sale of the house."
3. Yes, there was a clause "if the house didn't sell in six months" ... but that meant a percentage of the inheritance would be distributed, and we are so past that number.
4. Phil now has his 25% - but we don't have another 25% to give to Freddy. I am NOT comfortable that Phil has $50K of our father's money and Freddy does not. But I cannot give Freddy $50K of our father's money and continue to manage our father's affairs until the house is sold.
And I haven't had a "live" conversation with Freddy about this.
Then there's the Towne Bank stock. Wouldn't you know that the stock market has been a HOT MESS since we started talking about selling the stock.
In May 2017 when Dad passed away, it was worth $180K. I asked then if we needed to sell the stock. In November 2018, when Phil started pressing me for his $200K inheritance, it was down to $150K. Since we started talking about selling the stock (that Freddy expressed interest in acquiring at the $180K value) ... the stock has PLUMMETED.
This isn't me exaggerating, it's our reality. I remember how proud our father was when his attorney told him what a "great steward" of his money he had been in setting up his estate. I sure wonder how he would feel about our follow-up.
I hate that my brothers have put me in this position. My intent since I agreed in 2002 (reluctantly) to manage our parents' affairs that I have compromised their request of me. I don't think it is fair, and I am undone that I can't fix it. Now, until the house is sold.
They (my parents initially, and now my brothers) have put me in this place - and I hate it. It's wrong. It's bad. And I need them to know.
The saddest part of it all is my brothers don't get it. Our parents set up their estate for Judy's benefit, which is my 100% mission - but our brothers are looking at this from a different point of view - their personal gain. Freddy hasn't pressed it - but Phil has. (I will say I think Freddy is looking out for Tres and Tim, and I am okay with that.)
It's just pitiful that they have done this - and I wish they would rethink.
