Not gonna lie.
I'll be glad when 2017 is done. It hasn't been a very good year, all things considered.
There have been some good things that happened this year.
1. Judy has a workshop and daily transportation, thus some independence.
2. I have a window in my master bathroom and shower large enough that I don't bang my arms on the walls when I wash my hair.
3. I managed to fulfill my days for HCPS, and ultimately retired completely so I could focus on Dad and Judy. (and all that this implies.)
4.The best thing about this year: Dad got his last wish - to be buried at Arlington with all of his family surrounding him.
5. As for me and Judy, we are healthy (for the most part), happy to be living together, and we don't have to worry about our Dad anymore.
If that list has a sorry-ass tone to it, it's because it's been a sorry-ass year.
1. Yes, Judy has a place to go every day, but it's not a job and she is bored. She likes her counselors, but Judy is so much higher functioning than most of the clients there, I can only imagine how frustrating it is for her to be among them every day. She prefers to be involved, doing stuff, being helpful. I don't think she gets that reinforcement at the Day Center. She needs to feel fulfilled.
2. Yes, I have a "new" master bathroom - albeit incomplete and with numerous flaws. Yes, it is better than the previous bathroom for the reasons mentioned and I am happy with the overall effect. But my contractor never finished the job or corrected the flaws. What was supposed to take 6-8 weeks to complete dragged on to four months. Then he never came back. It's still not 100%. And the bedroom is not the way it's supposed to be either. I gave up on that project for the rest of the year. I thought my contractor might come back, but he never did, except to return the key to my house - in October.
I need to backtrack: This is where our lives got totally fucked up:
There was a family squabble in January. My brother and his wife invited a stranger to move into our father's house (that they were living in for free) - a decision I did not agree with. When I put my foot down, my brother's feelings were hurt and he chose to draw a line in the sand. I was right, but he will never say so. I used the "I will call the lawyer card if I have to" and he backed off. But he was pissed. Our relationship was 'forever marred.'
January - February. During that uncertain renovation time and the Phil/stranger moving into Dad's house time, Judy started at the Workshop with erratic transportation. Three weeks of uncertainty for Judy's travel while I was trying to schedule my remaining days for Deep Run and Central office, and my brothers bailed on Dad from February through April while they took care of their own needs and desires. Trying to schedule our life was insane.
In March, I needed to have Dad/Judy/Mom's taxes done - I went to NN for the day and got a text "Where is Judy?" when I thought my brother was picking her up at her workshop. Yes. That was when I learned that I could not trust my brothers with our sister's care. I was/we were on our own again.
March-May. When they finally came back to Dad, he was dwindling, and I was cramming in my PREP days. It was hard.
Dad passed away at 4:27 on May 10, 2017. It was a Wednesday afternoon. Phil and Fred (and their wives) were with him. I had subbed that day and got to the nursing home shortly after 2 pm. I was there for an hour or so and loved on him but came home to retrieve Judy at 4 pm and meet with our fencing contractor. That's when Freddy called. He didn't have to say it. Dad had died.
Since May, my life has been a blur. I assumed new roles and tasks as our father's (and our mother's) executrixes to manage their estates; I was their administrator; I was one of three trustees; I am Judy's guardian. I am still a sister of a special needs sister and two dysfunctional brothers. I am still my parents' daughter - and I was/am still in mourning. And I am dealing with the federal government that has different rules for the IRS and for the military families who set up assurances and policies for their loved ones. The paperwork has been brutal. (Not to mention I became eligible during this window for Social Security. Different story.)
All but one of Dad's life insurance policies has been collected. Phil has sold Dad's stamp collection. All of the will items have been delivered to their recipients, mostly. I still have a few items in my garage named in the wills. Freddy has not filed the Legionnaire's insurance policy to my knowledge, something he has dragged his heels on for more than 17 months. And there is the matter of the house.
My brothers have removed the things from the house that they want. I've got most of what I want except for the furniture, which I had planned to leave for staging.
The sale of the house is the last piece of this puzzle.
1. I scheduled online auction appointments and contracts. (in June and July)
2. I scheduled on SITE auction appointments and contracts. (in July and August)
3. Phil obtained five competitive market analyses from real estate agents. (before they moved out in August)
3a. Phil orchestrated the Driveway project and home repairs.
3b. I had the attic emptied.
4. September: My brothers didn't like the terms of any of those deals. Instead, they chose to circumvent me and my plan by purchasing plywood and sawhorses to set out the stuff for an estate sale. Completely cluttered the house.Not what the estate sale people were expecting, nor was I.
5. After the funeral in October, we had scheduled an estate sale for November 16-18, Didn't happen. My brothers bailed on the plan.
What needed to happen didn't happen.
There's a lot of stuff left in the house. People would buy the stuff, but honestly, it would have been great if before Thanksgiving when I originally scheduled it. Lots of Christmas, lots of memorabilia for the neighborhood, lots of military artifacts (in a high military population area). None the less...
It occurred to me after Thanksgiving that the neighbors of Cedar Grove would not like the traffic issues that would result from an estate state during December, so I told my brothers we'd get back to things in January 2018. I think they expected me to take care of business between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know for sure, but I knew I needed to take care of me and Judy during that time. As it so happened, Judy got sick (a bad cold) and gave it to me, so we were both sick during Christmas 2017.
We're okay, but our brothers bailed on our original Christmas rendezvous and rescheduled - which was fine with us. What's most curious about that ... oh, never mind.
Then, I get a call from my brother Phil before Christmas 2017.
My niece Liz wants to borrow $40K from the trusts for her business to be repaid over NINE YEARS. (We have six more nieces and nephews. What if they asked for the same thing?) Phil is awaiting his inheritance of $200K to offset his residential loan in FEBRUARY. Freddy finally sends me the "bill" for his reimbursement for our father's funeral and his son's travel reimbursement after 12/26/17.
I am not a bank. I hate dealing with money. I am not a lender. I am managing NINE bank accounts on my parents and my sister's behalf.
I am only one person. My priorities on this day in this life are:
1. Me.
2. Judy.
3. My life.
4. Judy's life.
5. My other responsibilities in this order:
Dad and Mom's stuff.
Other. (My brother's children fall into that category.)
Happy New Year, ya'll. I really have to learn how to let things go. And tonight, I am doing just that.
The answer to your question is NO.
No. Your children cannot borrow money from the estates. (Mom's, Dad's, Judy's.) No.
No. You cannot have your inheritance until the house is sold. No.
When you ask for money, 30 days is the best I can do.
We need to get the house ready and sold. I will be removing my items before January 12. The rest will be staged or in the garage. But we still have to sign a listing agreement. And we have to have the house ready to sell. It is to your advantage to make that happen.
It's the best I can do. And I'm okay with it. Sorry if you are not.
Love,
Trish
