So, I'm three weeks into this retirement gig and I'm struggling to find my groove.
I've been to Newport News twice since school got out and I go back again tomorrow for most of the week while Judy is at her annual summer camp. Freddy and Nancy are in Alaska for another ten days; Dad is still plugging away at maintaining his household and regular visits to Mom; Judy is hanging in there too - but she wonders how her life will change when "the time comes" for her to live with me.
Mom had a heart attack/MI and has been on oxygen most of the time since
June 22. The Newport is taking the best care of her that they can, but
it's just a matter of time, I'm afraid, before we lose her completely.
And me? I'm in a constant state of flux - letting go of the last nine years in the yearbook and newspaper classroom to two new advisers but trying to help them be prepared for what lies ahead for them; still cooking "MREs" for Dad and Judy, making sure their freezer has healthy/yummy options for their weekly menus; and my "new normal" hasn't found me yet.
What I should be doing is purging closets, boxes of stuff, cleaning out the garage and attic and preparing my house for the next phase - whether that includes me or for someone else to live in it. It has to be done, ultimately, no matter what else is going on in my life, but I just don't want to do that right now. Instead, I've focused on my yard - which won't be mine if I have to either sell or rent it. As much as I want to have a "cottage garden" - I just don't see that happening at Agecroft Manor Court. So the thing that has most defined my summers is now a looming question mark.
I've never felt this uncertain about my direction. I have two more months of known income - and the beginning of my retirement financial status - whatever that means. I have just less than two months of health care paid by HCPS, then I will be on my own to pay for that huge - and still uncertain - expenditure. My known retirement income is about 25 percent of what I've been accustomed to - minus the cost of health care plus the possibility of 20 percent for 28 days of the next seven years.
I have a house full of crap that I don't know if I will need or not
(clothes, extra furniture, stuff). Do I give it away or do I plan for
an estate sale? I'll likely have to do this event more than once - for my house, then for my Dad's house. It's overwhelming.
Then, there's my companions who have been my little family. My sweet animals are aging ... DJ is 14 and will come down the stairs but won't go up; Mr. Mollie is 14 and has become mostly clingy; and Chelsea will be so lonely without her regular companions. She has never known life without them, so that is going to change the dynamics of our lives together, for sure.
Shoo wee, life got complicated while I wasn't paying attention to the details of it all. I was all about being a teacher, a daughter, a sister. Now, I have to be me - and I don't know what that means.
Really?
